I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
