We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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