to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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