We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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