Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Randomize
