Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
