wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
