drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
