you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
