it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
