I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
