it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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