We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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