There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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