you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
