So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
