FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
