i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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