oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
