Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
