I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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