He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
3pm strippers are depressing
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
