eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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