Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
