My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
