Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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