I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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