Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
lets start a swedish sibling band together
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
