yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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