dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
