Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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