the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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