Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
