hotel room ftw
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
