I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
