Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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