so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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