she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
My balls are so social today.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
