I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
