Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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