i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
