so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
