but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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