He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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