is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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