Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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