Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
