I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
