my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
