I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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