clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
