she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
