Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
