Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
