Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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