Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
