It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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